F***tards

I love men...they make me laugh. I just hope, though, that the man I end up spending the rest of my life with won't be as utterly idiotic as the men that are in my life right now. Memorial Day Weekend gives me the opportunity to remember that having a "Dr." in front of one's name, or being on one's way to having one, such as the case with Nikolai and Alex, doesn't make that person any smarter than anyone else. Sometimes, it's to the contrary.

Yesterday afternoon, I got into an argument with Nikolai over the phone. Actually, it was more like he started arguing with me over the phone. I had asked him an ill-advised yet innocuous question, and in response, he started telling me off, getting into issues that were not even relevant to the conversation. Just about went PTSD/'Nam on me. Of his gems were the following: "I don't want to talk about the past situations," and "I can't tell you what to write in your [public] blog, it's your first amendment right. Just know that other people are reading it," and "I was reading [the blog], but I won't be reading it anymore." So after I looked to calm him down, everything was okay - I think - and then he and I got off the phone.

Today, I checked my webcounter for my public blog, and Nikolai looked at it just last night, a number of hours after telling me over the phone that he won't be reading it anymore. I did inform him right after the Chicago trip that I can tell when he reads my blog, so he should know that I am well aware just how full of it he is. He can have all the space he wants from me, but he just can't tear himself away from my words.

I called my mother yesterday, upset about the argument with Nikolai. She advised that I go out with Alex, because it'll get my mind off of Nikolai, and besides, I don't have any feelings for him anyway so it shouldn't be stressful. So I talked to Alex tonight, and he invited me out. So we went out for beer. On the way home, he reminded me of when I called him vain and superficial, and then asked me if muscular men are attractive. Then, over the course of the conversation, he talked about how he was getting back into weightlifting, and revealed that he was considering taking performance-enhancing drugs to accelerate the muscle-building process. He asked me if I felt he should do it, considering that it would make him look better.

After reminding Alex of all the serious potential health risks, I told him if it was that important to him, he could do it, prompting a friendly yet high-stakes debate. At the core of it was the question of if I was being double-minded, or if in fact I am of more depth than he is, and I consider actions long-term. He wanted me to agree with his consideration, but I wasn't biting. I said he was thin, which he took as a negative, although I didn't mean it that way. I explained to him that while I do look at the physical, that is not as important to me as the spiritual, mental and emotional.

Physicality can only take a person so far. I used Nikolai as an example - he's solid, although not muscular because the only working out he does is walking to school and moving his arms to shovel food into his mouth as if it's the 1980s and he still has to wait in a Soviet bread line to get his next meal. But his solidity is physically attractive to me, and overall he is sexually attractive. The problem is that he is defunct in character and he has less integrity than a political hack. Physical beauty wastes away much more quickly than anything else - but the essence of who a person is will always be there, and that is what you have to live with. I think Alex might have "got it," although it may take more than that to keep him away from the juice.

The past two days has me wondering about the mental health of the men I seem to know. What the hell is wrong with these people? Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum...or Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dumber. One seems to think that I'm not going to know he's addicted to my public blog like it's a pure cut of coke, while the other is so image-conscious that he's willing to shoot up like Barry Bonds just to get noticed - even though they really should know better.

The WTF moments of 2006...