Trust

So, basically, not a lot is going on, except my need to finish my assignments for the end of the quarter and my struggle to do so. Finding out about my friend's engagement kind of amplified my usual finals-week depression, and I spent the weekend contending with writer's block induced by the news. This has made me fall behind on my work, which I don't particularly like. But what to do? I often think about the lack of companionship in my life...the idea of accomplishing great things with no one to share it with or no one to support me along the way...it kind of makes me sad.

Friday night, Nikolai and I went out to see a friend perform at a coffeehouse/bar up the street from where I live. It was really neat...he and I were talking about each other's life, etc. It kind of was like a date, but not really, because we didn't call it a date, and the intent wasn't romantic, per se. Then later, Brooke and Ali showed up. The music was cool, and the night was fun.

The next day, I was immobile, for the most part, and I couldn't stop crying. Partly because of my mourning over six years of my life wasted because I thought God spoke to me. Partly because my life seems pretty complicated yet monotonous. I later calmed down, but it just wasn't working.