Valentine

So my Valentine's Day was spent bumping heads with Nikolai, while Alex's Valentine's Day was spent virtual-stalking me. It is getting kind of creepy, but I don't want to bring him back in my life in a real sense by calling him out on it. So at this point, it is what it is. Now, if I start seeing his car drive by my house, I think I really need to watch my back.

So I didn't have much time to stew over Valentine's Day, because I spent it helping Nikolai get decent airfare for our March conference trip to California. It was actually kind of frustrating, because the prices kept changing and we kept having to find out the wishes of the other people going on the trip with us. We started looking for pricing maybe around 11:30am or noon, and we didn't get the tickets bought until after 11 at night. It was kind of nervewracking. I ended up having to go over his house to get it together and make it happen. But we were so excited and relieved after we got them. Then we talked for close to two hours, about so many subjects, so many things.

It just amazes me that the more I get to know Nikolai, the more alike we seem, which is so strange considering the fact that we are from different countries and cultures. It's really crazy...neat, but crazy. While they do say that people who have a lot in common get along better and are more compatible than people who are a lot different, it might be an issue if we find that we're too alike.

Also, I've been thinking. While I have decided to wait to see how things progress (and I still intend on sticking to that), I wonder to what extent I can push the envelope. The thing is, it's hard to read Nikolai. I believe I "get" him on a human-to-human level, but I can't completely read what he thinks of the friendship exactly. I know how he sees me, but I don't. And I'm not good at hinting. Yes, there is the fact of how close in proximity we tend to be to each other when we talk and do things, yes, it was his idea to see each other in person to finish getting the tickets (which didn't exactly need to happen). Yes, he pays attention to me, and to whatever extent, he does watch out for me. But I don't want to misinterpret what that means. Maybe he likes me, but then again, maybe he's just being a decent person and a good friend. I just don't know. And I can't exactly find out, either.

The problem is that I don't think that he would be straightforward and tell me even if he did like me. On one hand, he is pretty straightforward in general when it comes to communicating what he thinks and how he feels. On the other hand, his cautious nature may prevent him from coming out and saying it directly. Beyond that, he may not think I like him, so he may think that telling me he likes me is more trouble than it's worth. So I just don't know if it's that he doesn't want to be direct, or if he just doesn't like me like that. I'm not sure how badly I need or want to know. So we'll see.