Patience

So Nikolai is back in town. I talked to him over the phone the night he came into town, and I saw him at school earlier today (yesterday). It was a little surprising, because I would've thought that after arriving on a transatlantic flight the night before, he would take the time to rest up. It's not like he has to do stuff right away. But considering that he does have some workaholic tendencies, I wasn't that surprised. No wonder I walked up to the school looking good (hair done, nice clothes). So when I saw him, we hugged for what seemed like a good while. Then, we got a chance to talk for about an hour or two, and he was telling me stories about his time in Europe. It was really cool to see him.

There's something about time apart from a person that makes them seem more "perfect" than they are. Or maybe it's just that as you get to know someone better, you begin to notice their quirks. Today, while I was really happy to see Nikolai and talk with him, I seemed to notice every single thing that annoys me about him. Yes, everything. Without putting every annoying habit/trait he has out on the street, I will say this. What it comes down to is that he's kind of geeky and nerdy. While he was gone, I thought to myself, I wonder what his "issue" is, because everyone has one. I'm starting to get a grasp on it, I believe. I don't think that Nikolai has an "issue" in the same sense as Alex or Matt. I think that Nikolai is a man with a lot of quirks, a lot of idiosyncracies. I've noticed some of them before, but never put them together. The fact is that he's a really nice, attractive, good, and cool person. But he's not cool. And I don't believe it's a cultural thing, I believe it's a Nikolai thing. So, I think again, and I think to myself, no wonder I feel so comfortable with him, that I could say whatever to him. No wonder he reminds me of myself, because the fact of the matter is, I'm not cool either.

On one hand, I need to ask myself if I can live with his set of quirks. I seriously do. On the other hand, this might not be a bad thing. On one hand, cool guys seem really self-assured, they act and look impressive, know what to say when, either dress smoothly or have nice stuff, and come off as any woman's dream man. On the other hand, they think they're better than they are, they tend to have an inflated sense of self, they're manipulative, and they often don't care about anyone but themselves. Most of the men I've been into in the past have seemed cool. Previous guys I've either dated or been into have been cool. Most of the guys that have liked me have been uncool. Probably the closest I've been previously to liking someone uncool was Alex, but he had some cool traits (e.g. nice car, self-assured attitude), and he tried to fake the funk, even though in reality he wasn't all that cool. Nikolai is the first person who I've really liked that is not cool, but doesn't really obsess with trying to be cool. While his demeanor, attitude, and nature make him impressive, his habits, idiosyncracies, and quirks are what make him human.

After considering my feelings and present situation, I think I may take Brooke's advice and wait a little while to develop the friendship further before trying to see where it can go. Considering that I am sort of ambivalent about what role I want Nikolai to play in my life, I might be better served trying something I have a hard time with...patience.