Exoticism

When I was in high school, I was briefly interested in this guy that I worked with named Dave (one of the millions of "Davids" and "Daves" I've met throughout my adolescent and adult life). Dave was about my age (about 16 or 17), he lived in the old-money suburb across the street from my working-class city neighborhood. Of course, he had rich parents; he was also in a garage band, he threw huge parties, and he had a long, long leash. In contrast, my parents weren't rich, I was kind of a nerd, and I wasn't allowed to do much of anything. I thought this guy was really neat because he was different. He was from a wealthy, somewhat prominent family, he lived the kind of life that I could only dream of at the time. But as I got to know him, there just wasn't much there. As he started to like me, I ceased to like him. I don't think I "liked" him, I think I saw him as a novelty.

So, I was talking to a friend of mine earlier today, we'll call her Katerina. We were catching each other up on guy issues. So I was telling her about how things were going with Nikolai. At some point, I mentioned how I think he's very attractive, and that I love hearing him talk and say my name, to which she almost died, since he totally isn't her type. After I reassured Katerina that her accent didn't sound like his (she's also Eastern European, but not from the same country as Nikolai), she made the comment that I probably like the way he talks, as well as other things about him, because it's "exotic."

I don't know. I mean, yes, his accent is different than anyone else I know (probably because he's the only person I've met from his country). But at the same time, I don't think that him being "different" is the main reason why I'm attracted to him. What amazes me the most about him is how similar we are considering the difference in nationality and culture. I think that while Katerina might have a point in the sense that some exoticism may play a part, at the same time, my experience tells me that novelty kind of wears off after a while. Nikolai and I have been in the same program together for over two years, and I've been starting to get to know him more seriously in the past few months. I can't say that there initially wasn't something "cool" about him being from Europe or that he can speak a number of languages fluently (I believe the count is more like five than three). And admittedly, an actual European is more palatable to my parents (who are products of the '60s, and have many non-American friends) than a white American. But at the same time, the fact that I do know Nikolai, including his personality, character, and quirks that make him an individual, the novelty is kind of old. That thrill is gone, which is for the best. It is easier to know if you truly like someone when you're past exoticism. And so, at the end of the day, I think he is an great person and I like him, regardless of his background.