Over

I can't believe I actually did it.

I decided that I no longer wanted to be friends with Alex, and for once in my life, I followed through on that. Last week, I wrote him a letter in which I told him the truth about how I felt, and that it wasn't working out for me. And today, I got a short email with him telling me he got the letter, and while he doesn't completely understand everything I had to say, he understands that I don't want to be friends with him anymore.

So it's really over.

For some reason, I shed tears. It is probably because as tumultuous as the friendship has been these past almost six years, I really did care about Alex, and still do. Or that I'm so used to him being in my life that I don't know what my life will look like without him.

But even if I shed tears now, I know that the pain I feel now is nothing compared to the pain I will continue to feel and will only increase if I continue to allow this relationship to stall my life. I have to keep telling myself that this is only a small price to pay for the peace I will have from now on, being devoted to Christ and not having anything or anyone else compete.

And holding out for God's best.