Blog

I've finally figured out what I will do with this blog. I've decided to use it to chronicle my love life.

When I say my "love life," I'm not talking about sex. It's really a mixture of a few things: dating, relationships with men, mixed in with my self-image. My dating life has been a shower of disappointment. Lots of rejection, etc. I have been in a serious relationship once, and the nature of it was emotionally abusive. I kept having to straddle the line between holding onto hope and being "realistic"...no one would be genuinely attracted to an obese black girl with red hair and freckles. Throughout my life I've felt that my love life is in fact dead.

As I've gotten older, I've been able to experience Christ (I became a Christian a little over five years ago). Through that I've been able to see the beauty that God has put in me. There is no one like me, there never was anyone like me, and there will never be anyone like me. He made me different for a reason. I've been able to come to terms with my appearance. At the same time, though, I've begun to have dreams of being married, of having a family of my own including a husband and children. My recognition of my God-given uniqueness isn't the same as having a man, and a good man at that, recognize this uniqueness.

This blog is about the journey to faith...learning to truly accept myself and to keep fire glowing on the belief that one day this part of my life will not only be different, but will see a measure of redemption.